Monday, June 16, 2014
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Thursday, May 29, 2014
5 Common Mistakes That Can End Any Relationship
1. Believing that your aliveness is your partner's responsibility.
Our culture, which is predicated on the fantasy of romantic love, posits that once you meet "The One," you will be lifted out of your misery or boredom and exalted into a state of perpetual happiness. So, it's easy to believe that it's your partner's job to make you feel joyful and whole. While a healthy relationship can certainly bring joy, it's not your partner's job to fill in your empty places. That's your job and yours alone, and until you accept responsibility for your emptiness, pain, or boredom, problems will inevitably ensue in the relationship.
2. Believing that relationships should be easy.
There's nothing easy about being in a long-term intimate partnership. Some relationships are easier than others and there will certainly be times in every relationship where you float along in calm waters and even enjoy the restful state of an eddy, but inevitably the waters will flare up again and you'll find yourself sputtering in the rapids. If you know this, you'll find it a lot easier to accept. Resisting the hard times and seeing them as evidence that something is "wrong" or that you're with the "wrong" person only entrenches the difficulties. By contrast, finding the willingness to view the challenges as an opportunity to learn will give you the energy and fortitude you need to continue to move forward and grow your relationship to the next level.
3. Failing to understand that secrets are lies.
Trust is the foundation of a relationship, and when trust is broken it takes time and willingness on the part of both partners to repair it and heal. All too often, I'll hear a client say something like, "I didn't tell him but I didn't lie about it, either." This statement is a contradiction, as omissions are lies. If you're covering up your tracks in any way, it's only a matter of time before the truth is revealed and trust in the relationship is broken.
4. Failing to understand that broken trust can be repaired.
When trust is broken, which happens in nearly every long-term relationship at some point, it's essential to understand that it can be repaired, provided that both people are willing to do the hard work of self-growth. In fact, it's at this time, when it feels like the solid bedrock of your relationship has crumbled into sand, that you're being given an opportunity to shed the patterns and dynamics with each other that haven't been serving you. It's painful work and a painful time, and the impulse will be to leave, especially if you believe that broken trust cannot be repaired. But if you understand that trust levels rise and fall over the course of a lifetime you'll be more likely to find the strength to hang in and hang on.
5. Failing to carve out quality time for your relationship.
Relationships are like any other living entity: they require dedicated time in order to thrive. It's easy to allow life to take over, especially when you have young children, work, and a body that needs nourishing food and exercise. But your relationship is a body as well, and if it's not watered with quality time every week, it will start to wither. Make time every week to focus only on each other, and time every day to pour even just a few minutes of quality interaction into your partner's heart.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Married or not… you should read this. Marriage.
its better to be alone n happy than to be in a miserable relationship. Whoever sees u as an option doesn't deserve to be a priority in ur life. u call him honey but he treats u like a monkey. He is ur everything but u r nothing to him. u r doing everything to make it work but he think u r desperate and turns all ur efforts to weakness. The pressure from ur age, families, and friends is giving you sleepless nights all d time. Everyone thinks something is wrong with u n u r beginning to think maybe they r right. You think maybe its not in your destiny to settle down in life. You feel depressed and lonely because no one understands d pain u r going through alone...PRAY!!!!.. Be very careful if u don't know where u r going because u might end up nowhere. Don't impose urself on any man. Don't begged to be loved. Don't let anyone love u because of pity. Always be in control of ur life. People can only advice, criticize or judge u. But no one will feel UR pain more than u. A man that's not meant for U can never be for u. When d right man comes ( AT GOD,s TIME) everything about him will just be right.Have a Awesome 2014!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Sunday, February 2, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
why Black men prefer white women over Black
A white woman gives her “opinion” on why Black men prefer white women over Black. An educated black man responds to her comments! This is up lifting,remember we are ROYALTY!
just had to post this..
It seems that an article was written to Sister 2 Sister magazine by a Caucasian woman who requested a response from black men. I’m so glad she got what she asked for (and more) !!!
Dear Jamie: I’m sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don’t understand a lot of Black female’s attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don’t they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we’re out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes… I could go on and on. But, right now, I’m a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don’t be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I’m wrong, Black men, let me know. Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA RESPONSE
Dear Jamie: I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl. Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men. I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses.
Because of this fear, many black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black men date white women. Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong black women And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don’t want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs.
Read your history! It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the black woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the black woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Black women were born with two strikes against them: being black and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise! It is because of the black women’s strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could> never> date anyone except my black Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with black women. I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy more so than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don’t you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has.
BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill. No offense taken, none given. Signed, Black Royalty Wow!! We must pass this on to make the day of the Black Queens and remind our black kings of what they have Old..!
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